Today we rolled into the “city by the sea” as Bob has now renamed Chicago. Special guy, that Bob. Chi-Town is awesome. It’s like NYC with a cooler vibe and less of a running around feeling to it. It’s strange. We headed to the Museum of Contemporary Art to start things off and WOW. What a bunch of weird stuff. I was waiting to see some bad ass paintings-of-old with pirates and crazy religious stuff with like the devil. And pirates. But there was just a lot of lights and colors and well…more colors. I only need one color thank you and that is black. Crate said the artist guy Olafur (sounds like the name of a cookie) was the same guy who did the waterfalls in NYC under that bridge. I say whoop-de-do! I can play with a hose and flashlights at home and I’m no artist. Where’s MY money? Anyway, we all enjoyed a sweet traditional Chicago deep dish pizza for dinner. Thing was a MONSTER! You don’t understand the magnitude of this pie. We basically ate ourselves into a coma then headed back into the city. All was well until about 30 minutes into our continued walking, it happened. Me and Herkimer got hit in the gut by our dinner. It wanted out. Too far and too lost to head back to the pizza place we did the fast poop walk threw city streets and buildings to find an adequate place to…ahem…relieve ourselves. It wasn’t going well. Like a bad episode of The Twilight Zone; we were trapped! Block after block, nothing. It was looking grim. Then, finally, we came upon the sweet glow of a McDonald’s golden arches. Herkimer darting in front of me got the only ter-lit! The bastard! All that was left was a giant handicap room. No time to think (or care for the well being of the less fortunate) I dive on in. Less than 10 seconds into it, I see the slow roll of a dark shadow under the door, like a ship rolling out from the midnight fog. It was one of them. The door bangs loud and all I can mumble out is the word “occupied.” The shadow drifts back from whence it came waiting to strike when I am at my weakest. I fight off the rest of the demons wrestling inside of me and make a mad dash out the door back into the city. I’ll never know who that mystery person was or what misfortune may have befallen them. Or anyone who crossed their path. Chicago, you have a black heart.
WIN.